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I do not understand why I still come. There is no smell of Kitik any longer, it is gone very soon, there is only the empty water where he is before. Yet still I come, I must come again and again, it is only in this place that I feel right with me.The hunt is good, all eat well. I finish my hunger, and I am very hungry. And after, all have joy, there is leaping and playing and happiness. I alone have no joy. My hunger is gone now, but there is another hunger in me that cannot be filled by eating.Altauk will no longer come with me. None of the others will come. They tell me I cannot always live in shadow, no good can come of it. I know they are right.But they are not there when Mother and I find the tiny calf alone and starving, its own mother caught in a great weed and drowned. I could free her from the weed if I were older, I learn that almost always one may escape the weed if one is calm and does not take fright and entangle oneself. But I am small myself then, and besides we are not. Kat was as cool as anything with him, too casual.I looked over at her on the couch beside me, clutching a hot chocolate spiked with whiskey. She was staring into the flames of the woodstove, blue eyes reflecting orange and yellow. Her whole face was alive with the flame of her warmth. She was beautiful."Do you remember last winter?" I said. "We all slept out here because of the cold." I remember it not being quite so cold," she grinned at me.I brushed my hand across her face to push back a strand of blond hair."I wanted you that night," I said. Even though our relationship had long since gone past it, I felt a lump in the back of my throat admitting it.It was properly snowing now, not like that night a year gone when Kat and I had slept together, nearly naked.Kat smirked and snuggled into my shoulder. "I know."I looked back through the bar window to the kitchen. Agatha had her back turned, stacking plates on a high shelf. Hunter was looking out the far window.I raised Kat's chin and.
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